Sweet Dreams

Been in bed for two days,sick with a 104 degree fever and I haven't felt the greatest. I've had enough time to watch MTV and all their music videos. At this point I've had more than enough T.V. While I was watching MTV this morning, Beyonce's new song Sweet dream came on, you should check it out, It's pretty good. The highlight of my day today will be Vane coming over to watch "The Notebook." We have been in this sappy movie stage for a couple weeks now might as well keep it going!

UP UP and away!

Yesterday was my best friend, Vanessa's birthday. We had such an amazing time! It was one of those nights I will talk about and remember forever. I needed to have a night like that with my friends to let lose and have some good clean fun. Vanessa rented a hotel room and we spent most of the day on the beach, just laying out in the sun. It was so relaxing! Vane and I met some people in the mix of her birthday festivities, and a couple of us stayed up until 6am to go for a swim in the ocean. That was defiantly in my top 10 things to do. It was so amazing! We watched the sunrise while in the water with no one around but our group. I really don't remember when the last time was I had so much fun like that. I felt like I was on vacation and I was only about an hour away from home. I need to travel more, and take advantage of my friends and family being in different spots around the world. I have been thinking so much on what I want to do for an occupation, and since I'm dying to travel, maybe being a flight attendant is the answer. My aunt was a flight attendant for 6 years and absolutely loved it. My mom also worked for the airlines as well, but in reservations (she actually met my dad while working there, and was his boss). I've had the same job for almost a year now, and I have a great boss, and work with great people but, I'm bored. I need excitement, adventure... I love the thrill of not knowing what is yet to come. It's kind of like when you first fall in love, or meet someone new. The possibilities seem endless when you first meet someone, whether it turns into a romance of a lifetime, or end at "hello". Speaking of romance, I just broke things off with my "sort of" boyfriend. I say "sort of" because I don't think he was ready for what I wanted. I pushed a more serious relationship on him than I should have. I wanted something with more substance, not something that reminded me of my high school relationships. It wasn't that he was a "player" or a disrespectful guy, I just wanted more. I have come to realize that I don't want to have a serious relationship for a while.In fact, last night, at one of the night clubs we were celebrating Vane's birthday, there was a guy out with his girlfriend. I couldn't help but notice how he was treating his girlfriend. This guy was so in tune to her, that you could just tell by the way he looked at her and interacted with her, that he respected her and loved her. You could tell she seemed secure in the relationship. It finally hit me how I sometimes "settle for less." Not only with relationships, but with life in general. I have always been just O.K. in school, passing by with mediocre grades, and had to make sure I took a job that doesn't require much effort.I want more than that from LIFE! I have so much potential and I sell myself so short. Enough, is enough! My mom has always told me "Why settle for MC Donald's when you could have something from a five star restaurant." I don't think what she said ever meant that much to me, until I saw that couple. They were just sitting a couple feet away from me, and that's when I realized, I hope someday I will have that.

"Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind"

I had some time to kill before going to work, so I decided to watch one of my favorite movies, an older one which came out 2004, and won an Oscar, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." To give an idea of my taste in movies, another favorite is "American Beauty." Two years ago my Psychology professor recommended "Eternal Sunshine" to me , and I decided to watch it and see if it was as great as she said it was. To my astonishment it turned into a movie I force my friends and family to watch, even though they might complain because, "I've seen it a million times." I don't remember seeing much about the movie when it came out in 2004, and I feel like there should have been more of a fuss about it. There are a couple great actors in this movie but the main two, Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet play such fantastic roles. Both, taking a much darker approach in this movie than what I normally see in their other ones.
A brief synopsis of the movie (if you haven't seen it)-
Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) is an emotionally withdrawn man and Clementine Kruczynski (Kate Winslet) is his girlfriend who is a dysfunctional free spirited woman. They are inexplicably attracted to each other despite their different personalities.They do not realize it at the time, but they are former lovers now separated after two years together. After a nasty fight, Clementine has had her memories of their relationship erased from her mind. Upon learning this, Joel is devastated and goes to the doctor to have the same procedure of erasing her memories done. However, while unconscious, Joel has second thoughts and decides he wants to keep his memories of Clementine. Their love and courtship go in reverse, and the memories are slowly erased while Joel tries his best to resist the procedure and hide inside his mind.
Opposites attract, there's no question about that! I am a perfect example, I seem to butt heads with a lot of the men I have dated. Think about what if you could erase memories of not only past relationships, but anything you wanted, would you? I cant help but think how painful that would be if the procedure to didn't work! I guess that would be the same as being attracted to someone so unhealthy for yourself and not caring...been there done that! I think the movie had such an impact on me because I am glad I can't erase anything in my life, whether it is amazing or appalling.I believe that circumstances make us who we are, but whose to say if I did have the option,I wouldn't want to try it?

"Blessed Are the forgetful for they get the better even of their blunders."
-Friedrich NIetzsche

Losing someone you love

Normally,
when approached with the question"Have you ever lost someone you love?" I would presume that the word"lost"in that question would mean most likely due to a death. My reply for the past twenty-two years has been "no", thankfully. Today, someone asked me the same question and I stopped and contemplated, and I decided to change my reply to "yes".
I believe we have all lost someone we've loved, from a death, or possibly maybe even a breakup. I have gone through my fair share of breakups that have been excruciatingly painful. Wether or not it is you doing the breaking up or your partner, you are still losing that person, sometimes never to communicate with them again, and that is heart breaking. Dating someone for days,weeks,months, or years, and in a matter of a couple words it gets thrown out the window for a multitude of reasons and/or excuses. Marrige these days is not even concreate, Since 2005 the divorce rate has decressed, but sadly so has marrige. That means what... I should just plan on not getting married?In that case, what are girls that dream of that fairy tale endings, and happily ever afters, supposed to do?Thanks a lot, Disney.I guess I am just going to have lose a couple more people I love until I do get my happily ever after. I refuse to settle for anything less than a "Disney Ending" in my love life, and neither should you.=)